Technically Speaking
by Adreus
Summary: mixed media, not AU — In which Sora flails, *still* doesn't ask out Kairi, and poor Riku is his wingman. Kind of. —Sora/Kairi, Riku.


**Notes:** You remember back when it was cool to have a gazillion different screen names? Sora. You remember when you finally got over that phase and just stuck with the embarrassing one you didn't feel like changing? Riku.

...Sorry if the formatting is terrible. I couldn't figure out how to make it work exactly. For an awesome version complete with colors, comprehensibility, and screenshots, check my profile.

_Kingdom Hearts_ is property of Square Enix and Disney, I don't claim any rights.

* * *

_Technically Speaking_

* * *

**kairi xxx:** oh, sorry, mom's calling

**kairi xxx:** bye guys!

**sorarox358:** ttyl

**rikuroxxorz:** See you tomorrow.

_**kairi xxx** **left the chatroom**_

**sorarox358: **ok thats it

**rikuroxxorz: **?

**sorarox358: **2mrw im going 4 it

**rikuroxxorz: **Ahaha. Good luck.

**sorarox358: **if she says no, imma cry

**sorarox358: **and u better take me out 4 a movie or smthg

**rikuroxxorz: **Yeah, that'll happen.

**sorarox358: **cmon riku

**sorarox358: **u dont want tidus 2 find me alone and sad

**sorarox358: **he'll take me 2 a bar or smthg

**rikuroxxordz **…

**sorarox358: **I DON'T HANDLE DRINKS WELL RIKU

**rikuroxxorz: **I. Wait.

**rikuroxxorz: **I'm going to be there when you ask her, okay?

**sorarox358: **what? NO!

**rikuroxxorz: **Sora, you're going to chicken out. And.

_**sorarox358 left the chatroom**_

**rikuroxxorz: **…

* * *

_Incoming Call… _

_**Sora**_

_._

_Call Accepted._

_._

"Hello?"

"Riiiiikuuuu."

"What."

"I'm lonely and sad. Come pick me up."

"What? She rejected you? _Kairi?_"

"Nooo."

"Then what happened?"

"Riiiiku, it's cold and raining! I'll tell you when you get here!"

"Who said I'm coming, you ass? What did she say?"

"Nothing."

"…You didn't ask her, did you?"

"OHGODTHUNDER. HOLD ME, RIKU. OH WAIT, YOU ARE INSIDE. WARM. WITH PERFECT, DRY HAIR THAT IS UNLIKELY TO GIVE YOU PNEUMONIA."

"Dammit, Sora… I'm coming, where are you?"

* * *

**1 UNREAD TEXT MESSAGE(S)**

**From: **Sora

hey nvm dad picked

me up thx tho

* * *

**rikuroxxorz:** Screw you.

**KEYSGUISE: **You'd like that, wouldn't you?

**KEYSGUISE: **fsdjkl;

**KEYSGUISE: **fkls

**KEYSGUISE: **:\\

**KEYSGUISE: **sry roxas took cntrl of my fingers

**rikuroxxorz: **Hey. I drove around for twenty minutes looking for you. You could've at least had the decency to call.

**KEYSGUISE: **u were driving!

**KEYSGUISE: **ur so anal abt rules I thot u wudnt pick up

**rikuroxxorz: **BUT I WOULD CHECK MY TEXTS?

**KEYSGUISE: **w/e

**KEYSGUISE: **listen

**rikuroxxorz: **NO. NOT WHATEVER. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH GAS COSTS?

**KEYSGUISE: **RIKU FOCUS

**rikuroxxorz: **WHAT

**KEYSGUISE: **KAIRI

**rikuroxxorz: **She's really cute and kind of perfect, what else?

**KEYSGUISE: **I SAW HER AND

**KEYSGUISE: **… riku

**rikuroxxorz: **…er. Sorry. Go on.

**KEYSGUISE: **i saw her and I went 2 ask her

**KEYSGUISE: **BUT THEN I PANICKED

**KEYSGUISE: **b/c she was w/ wakka

**rikuroxxorz: **Because Kairi's so into Wakka.

**rikuroxxorz: **Did you see her checking him out yesterday?

**rikuroxxorz: **She was practically crying, "HOLD ME!" with her eyes.

**KEYSGUISE: **RIKU STFU

**KEYSGUISE: **im srs

**KEYSGUISE: **i dont think she likes me

**rikuroxxorz: **You.

**rikuroxxorz: **Are.

**rikuroxxorz: **Such.

**rikuroxxorz: **A.

_**kairi xxx joined the chatroom**_

**rikuroxxorz: **Dumbass.

**kairi xxx: **…hi guys?

**KEYSGUISE: **KAIRI

**rikuroxxorz: **HI

* * *

_Kairi changed her relationship from _Single _to _It's Complicated.

.

**Sora: **RIKU, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

_Riku is offline._

**Sora: **LIAR, U WERE PLAYING MAFIA WARS 39 SECONDS AGO

**Sora: **ITS ON MY NEWSFEED, RIKU

* * *

_Incoming Call… _

_**Sora **_

_._

_Call Rejected._

**3 missed call(s) from Sora.**

.

_Incoming Call… _

_**Kairi **_

_._

_Call Accepted._

_._

"Uh, hello?"

"Hey, Riku. Do you think Sora's been acting weird lately?"

"Hasn't Sora always—"

"Weirder."

"…Yeah, I guess he has."

"Any idea why?"

.

**1 UNREAD TEXT MESSAGE(S)**

**From: **Sora

RIIIIIIIIKUUUUUU STOP IGNORING ME

.

"…Not at all."

* * *

"Sora. I've told you a million times. Just ask her."

"But—"

"Dammit, Sora. I'm pretty sure once you've scoured the world in search of someone for two years, had childhood promises about returning precious objects, and sketched each other eating paopu fruit, _you are allowed to ask each other out._"

"I scoured the world looking for you, too, you know."

"I'll have to kindly decline your offer."

"See? _You _rejected me!"

"Sora, your _nobodies_ are in love with each other!"

"Roxas is a very charming person, okay."

"Roxas, give the body back to Sora."

* * *

Sora _posted on _Cloud Strife's _wall: _hey, so, how do u handle ur harem? im trying 2 ask someone out.

Tifa Lockhart, Aerith Gainsborough, Squall Leonhart, _and_ 20 others _like a post on _Cloud Strife's _wall._

Cloud Strife _replied to a post on his wall: _…My what?

* * *

**rikusuxxorz: **ok so clouds not helping

**rikuroxxorz: **CHANGE YOUR SCREEN NAME

**rikuroxxorz: **CHANGE IT RIGHT DAMN NOW

**rikusuxxorz: **what? oh

_**rikusuxxorz left the chatroom**_

_**sorarox358 joined the chatroom**_

**sorarox358: **better?

**rikuroxxorz: **Honestly I think we both need usernames that aren't retarded. Or from seven years ago. Or both.

**rikuroxxorz: **But go on.

**sorarox358: **ok

**sorarox358: **so i asked cloud

**rikuroxxorz: **I noticed.

**sorarox358: **imma ask leon

**sorarox358: **i think hes had a gf b4

**rikuroxxorz: **…

**sorarox358: **h/o

.

_Calling… _

_**Kairi**_

_._

"Riku? Listen, I'm at work—"

"Hey, Kairi. Someone hacked your account."

"What?"

"Uh, yeah. Meatspin and Rickroll all over the place. Just thought I'd let you know."

"Dammit! Riku, can you do me a favor?"

"What is it?"

"I'll text you the password. Change my accounts to something else 'till I get back from work? Please?"

"Oh, yeah, of course."

"Thanks sooo much! But don't laugh at me, okay?"

"I'll try not to."

"Thanks… hey!"

.

**2 UNREAD TEXT MESSAGE(S)**

**.**

**From: **Leon

Why is Sora asking

me these questions?

.

**From: **Kairi

paopufruit358

.

"Aha."

.

_**rikuroxxorz is idle.**_

**sorarox358: **hey! come back!

_**kairi xxx joined the chatroom**_

**kairi xxx: **Sora.

**sorarox358: **hi kairi!

**sorarox358: **rikus idle

**kairi xxx: **That's okay. I wanted to talk to you.

**sorarox358: **?

**kairi xxx: **You. Me. Tomorrow night. Date. Got it? Good.

_**kairi xxx left the chatroom**_

**sorarox358: **WHAT?

**rikuroxxorz: **AHAHAHAHAHA.

* * *

_Calling… _

_**Kairi**_

.

"Riku? Listen, I really am busy—"

"Sorry. Just wanted to let you know that I fixed it all up. Your accounts are back to normal."

* * *

Kairi _is now in a relationship with _Sora.

You_ like __this__. _


End file.
